 Question:
Dear Carol,
I was in an abusive relationship that was very hard to get out of. He continued to stalk me, but not to the point of doing anything illegal, so I couldn't do anything about it. I ended up moving into an apartment that is part of a domestic violence program. The case manager that was assigned to me ended up also being abusive to me and is now fired! I still have issues from the initial abuse and now from this woman who was suppose to be helping me. I recognize that I need to deal with these problems of domestic violence and seek out some professional help, but (as I hope that you can imagine as to why) I am really scared that I am going to be hurt again. Part of my brain tells me that not everyone is going to be like this, but at the same time I am really scared that I am going to be hurt again. How would I go about protecting myself if I saw a counselor?
Scared to get help
Answer:
Dear Scared to get help,
Thanks for writing.
It sounds like you have had some hard things in your life to deal with! But also, that you have had the strength and knowledge that you don't have to stay in that kind of situation. The fact that you got away from the abusive partner AND were able to tell someone that your worker was abusive as well, says a great deal about your strength and your ability to work with such a hard situation as domestic violence.
You absolutely need to work with someone on the domestic violence issues you have and yes, it will be hard, and yes, you may find others who don't have your best interest in mind. You DO need to be careful, and be up front about that with your new counselor. If they are any good as a counselor, they will expect you not to trust right away. It also sounds like your instincts are good, if you are willing to trust them. Listen to your gut and if it says hold back, hold back. And then talk about why you are holding back with your counselor. You know what is ok and what is not ok.
On picking a counselor, trust your gut and look for someone with experience in domestic violence. When you call to make an appointment don't be afraid to ask if the counselor has worked with domestic violence before. You want someone who knows what they are doing. If you feel uncomfortable with one, try another. There is nothing that says you have to go with the first one you pick (or you get assigned to). You have the right to work with whomever you want to and for however long you want/need. You are in control of your healing process.
I am proud of the progress you have made so far and I hope you can continue in that direction. If you want to work with me (you don't have to, only an option for you) I do private individual sessions through email, chatting or on the phone. You can sign up for a session with me at www.asktheinternettherapist.com Thanks again for writing and let me know if I can help anymore.
Carol Agnew, MA, LMFT
Online Counselor
www.asktheinternettherapist.com |
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